Sunday, 30 August 2026

Dummies Guide: Carp


Location: You need a large, flat, grassy area (comfort is king). As close to the car park as you can get. Bit of shade and near the toilets.

Presentation: The cast is important, direction doesn’t matter, distance is key. Cast at least 100 yards. Recast 6-8 times per hour minimum.

Alarms: Volume must be turned up as loud as possible, test them every few minutes. If they have different settings test them all.

Bait: At least 5kg of boilies thrown out randomly. Repeat every 15-20 minutes (the more expensive the boilies the more carp you will catch).

Gear: Remember, you can’t have too much kit, take it all with you. Biggest bivvy catches biggest carp. Also a radio is essential.

Buddy: Ideally install a mate at the edge of shouting range. Shout things like ‘it’s sh*t here today’ and ‘my rods cost over £500 each’.

Duration: A short trip of 48-96 hours will do at a push. But for proper results you really need put the time in.

10 comments:

  1. 😄
    Non compliers are Noddies.

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    Replies
    1. All based on stuff I’ve seen or heard wandering around the various ponds - stalking like a noddy..!

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  2. Satirical perfection, modern day Carp anglers incapsulated in just a few words!

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    Replies
    1. I genuinely saw someone cast as far as they could (could have fished opposite bank with an underarm swing). Then throw out a ton of bait right in front of them…!?!??

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    2. Honestly it beggars belief, but if it makes them happy then so be it, they probably think we are weird.

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    3. We’re such angling snobs!

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  3. Brilliant 🤣 what about Bankside cooking ? What do I need to?

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    Replies
    1. Full size George Foreman grill, bottle of gas, Yeti cool bag and RidgeMonkey accessories (need a section on brand names). And chicken - it doesn’t matter if it’s cooked properly - as long as you remember the tomato sauce…

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  4. You wont see me like that, I will be in camo!

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    Replies
    1. Hope it’s Korda camo (or it doesn’t count).

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